Part of what got me interested in becoming a Cam Girl was that its industry popularity was rooted in it being more personal than porn. While having experiences with escorting, this digital barrier existing in the world of Camming made me feel safer and more in control. It also gave me a chance to indulge in my admiration of classic Hollywood glamour in my portrayal of sensuality. While developing this 3D fantasy self, it eventually seeped into the way I interacted with in the physical 4D world. However, as my time with webcamming has been positive, it also affected my sex life in reality.
The act of sex is one of the few places I feel comfortable with physical closeness. Its the only place I crave physical intimacy. Subconsciously I began switching back into my performance mode with the sole focus on pleasing the man instead of focusing on mine. After many times of jumbling all those concepts up, I was left disappointed and lacked the fulfillment that I desired. I secretly have yearned for intimacy in the past year, therefore, has used sex as a misguided tool causing friction between my two selves. As I am moving forward, I am learning how to balance the two and get to a place where the two versions of myself can co-exist.